Guilty And Trapped

Couple - Relationship, Divorce, Arguing

When she was angry, she would find a long-suffering look on her face, her eyes would fill with tears, and she would slowly leave the area with her head down. Jackson, being a highly sensitive child, felt his mother’s neediness for a pull on him to find a way to fix her, and he would immediately feel guilty because he did not know how. By the time Jackson was , he’d learned to completely shut down as his way of not feeling responsible for his mother’s feelings.

The moment a woman abandons herself, which then generates the empty hole of neediness, he feels helpless and shuts down. He ends up feeling trapped in the relationship and can not wait to get out. Whatever good feelings he had for the girl at the start soon evaporate because of his shutting down to prevent feeling trapped and respectful.

Jackson Wants To Get Married And Have Children, But The Concept Of Commitment Terrifies Him

The issue is that Jackson hasn’t yet developed a loving adult self who’s capable of not accepting responsibility for a woman’s feelings. 1 component of his ego wounded self feels responsible for his partner’s feelings, while the other element of his injured self shuts down, not to feel guilty and trapped by this duty. Until Jackson develops a loving adult self, capable of letting go of responsibility for his spouse’s feelings, and is capable of taking loving care of himself in the face of his partner’s neediness, he’ll continue to shut down as his only way of feeling protected from remorse and engulfment.

Another issue for Jackson is that he’s not validated his experience of the emotional self-abandonment. Since his mother’s self-abandonment was callous – no overt guilt-inducing remarks whatsoever – Jackson has had trouble acknowledging when he believes the subtle pull of neediness. He’s never been attracted to girls that are overtly demanding, like women that are angry, blaming or critical. His relationships have been with apparently open and loving ladies. Yet energetically, these girls are abandoning themselves, as Jackson is left himself.

Jackson is left himself with his lack of empowerment of his own feelings and experience, and his consequent withdrawal, while the women he chooses are abandoning themselves in much the same way his mother did – not attending to their own feelings and waiting for Jackson to satisfy their needs. Until Jackson validates his own experience and learns to look after himself, as opposed to shutting down in the face of feeling responsible for his partner’s feelings, he won’t have the ability to form a committed relationship.

Letting Go Of Duty For Another’s Feelings

Since Jackson is sensitive to another’s emotional self-abandonment, it’s very important that he heal his view he is accountable for another’s feelings. It isn’t realistic for him to believe he can find a woman who’ll never emotionally leave herself, since everybody, occasionally, will emotionally leave themselves.

When Jackson gets himself off the hook of thinking that he’s responsible for a woman’s feelings, then he is going to be free to remain open hearted, even if his spouse emotionally abandons herself.

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